The Hurkyferd Prettacy

An ISBI Prettacy

Chapter 0.1 – Doohickey’s and Plumbobs

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Here they are in all their glory. Meet Opus and Gertrude Hurkyferd.  Two crazy kids from the small town of Twinbook trying to make it as big stars in Starlight Shores  – the closest thing to Hollyweird in the Simverse.

Opus:  “Nomnomnomfacenom”

Gertrude: “Nonom.. Baby you’re the bandaid on my bleeding heart…nomnomfacenom”

Um, ew?  Okay guys, let’s break it up long enough for proper introductions, mkay?

Gertie: “Me first, me first!  I am the pretty one after all”  *bats nonexistent eyelashes* (I know they are nonexistent because I didn’t give her any.  What?  This is a Prettacy after all)

I picked her traits.

Gertie:  “OMG, is it starting, Opus?  I can’t believe it’s really starting!  I can’t believe we got our very own reality show on SimTV!”

Ohhhkay, well, sure that’s exactly what this is.  A reality show. And I’m your Producer and Host.

Gertie:  “Oh my good gravy, what the Hellman’s is that green doohickey above my hubby’s head?”

Gertie: “I’ll get it, Opus!  You just run for your life!”

No, no.  Don’t be afraid.  It’s called a Plumbob. A very special camera/microphone combo.  VERY advanced technology.  Don’t touch it!

Gertie:  “Hmph.  That ain’t no way to be talking to a reality STAR now is it, I outta give you a swift backhand.”  *fluffs hair*  “Neverminds you that, you like my tan?  I’ve been going to the spray tan parlor back in Twinbrook?  And using my at home tanners.  I’ve got four different ones I use three times a day and my own special one invented for me by my uncle Cletus.  He’s a scientist”

You don’t say?  Why, I’d never know it wasn’t a real tan unless you told me.  It looks so natural. You hardly notice the orange tint, really.  However, I’m having a hard time believing you have anyone in your family tree anywhere close to a scientist, but we’ll go with it.

Gertrude:  “I don’t like your attitude Producer lady.  I might just walk off this here lot before you even get a chance to air my story.  I AM the Snookie of Starlight Shores after all.  You DO know who Snookie is, right?”

*sigh* Unfortunately I know who Snookie is.  But I can proudly say I’ve never watched one millisecond of that train-wreck of a show I refuse to type the name of here lest some Googler somewhere find my blog – er – find this Reality Show that way.

Gertie: “Hey, I don’t like how you italicized that word, You’re weird.  As I was saying, Snookie is my TV IDOL. I got this tat between my twins to represent her.”

Twins?  I don’t even want to know.  You mean that pink dolphin on your chest?

Gertrude:  “Are you touched in the head?  Of course!  Ever’one knows that Snookie is a member of the DERPS….”. *sighs*  “The Dolphins Exterminating Really Pernicious Sims – we’re a secret society against secret societies!  My uncle Cletus, the genius, he taught me all about them growing up.  They fight evil.  I am a member.  I signed up online – this is our signal”  *strangles self*  “We do this to let each other know we’re on the level.”

Hmm..did anyone research the word DERP before you used that for your acronym?

Gertie: “You do know about the conspiracy of the tree-men and half-llama people, right?  They are made up of most of the rich folks and politicians.  They come from underground caves and they’re trying to control the world. Some of them are even celebrities in disguise.  Trying to send their evil messages in secret eye-blink codes and hairstyles n stuff.  I read it in my Daily True News magazine.”

Opus:  “Oh, Gertrude, don’t start with that Daily True News nonsense.”

Finally, a voice of reason.

Opus:  “We all know that it’s the Weekly Tales of the Weird that tells the real stories.”

I forgot, they both have the Insane trait this being an ISBI Prettacy.  That reminds me, we need to introduce our other co-founder, Opus Hurkyferd:

Opus:  “Look there Gertrude, we have our very own Character Cards.  I wonder if they can give me some of those to hand out when I go to auditions and the like.”

Speaking of auditions, don’t you two think it is about time you head off and apply for some jobs?  After the house and furniture, you only have about 200 Simoleons to your name.  And hey, we’re going to get the cameras rolling now so let’s keep the chitchat between yourselves and the crew (meaning ME) to a minimum.  You go on and do that magical stuff you do and we’ll just add the boring commentary.

Gertie:  *rolls wish to get job in cooking career*   (Her first wish!)

Gertie:  “I’m off to the Corporate Tower Restaurant – or whatever its called.  I’m going to be the chef!  Hey, Mr. CombOver cabbie, you’re driving a 5 Star Chef and Reality Star.  Do you think you could speed it up or use your sirens to get through traffic or something?’

Cabbie: *Holy Batman, Jeffrey, don’t make eye contact don’t make eye contact….I’ve never seen such a hideous creature.  Even ON reality TV*   “Um, I’m sorry m’am, I don’t have a siren.  I’m driving a cab not a police car”

Gertrude:  “Hurmph.  Don’t you M’AM me.  I’m the YA here. You aren’t fooling anyone by brushing those three extra-long hairs over the top of your head, you know.  By the way, you know where I can find a spray tan place around here?  A girl’s gotta keep her color up.  Plus, my husband?  He’s gonna be an Simmy Winning Actor one day.”

Gertie, you know you aren’t going to START your career as a 5-Star Chef, right?  That is your Lifetime Wish.  It is going to take years of hard work and dedication to get to the top.  And seeing as you don’t have a car, maybe you should be a bit more polite to the Starlight Shores cab drivers.

Gertie: *Ignores and runs inside building*  “I hope they give me one of those big white paper hats.  Opus said he wants me to wear it when we woohoo later”

TMI Alert!  TMI Alert!  This is (sort of) a family show, let’s keep the Woohoo details to ourselves, yes?

Meanwhile, Opus takes to the computer to see if any of the Film Studio’s are hiring.

Opus:  “My high school drama teacher moved out here halfway through my freshman year. Something about a nervous breakdown.  Anyway, he told me if I ever made it to Starlight Shores to look him up.  We’re friends on Simbook online and he just sent me a note – the studio he works for is hiring!

That’s great, is he a director or something?

Opus:  “Not yet.  Right now he is Silas Treehorn’s umbrella holder.  You know who Silas Treehorn is, right?  Only one of the TOP producers in Starlight Shores.

Umbrella Holder?

Opus: “Oh yes,  very prestigious job.  The sun shines almost 100% of the time out here.  It is very important to protect your skin from damaging rays. *panics*  DON’T tell Gertie I said that!  She just loves her tans – real or fake.  She doesn’t know this, but I switched  out one of her self-tanners with 50 SPF.  I do it all the time.  Don’t put this on the show!  Back to the umbrellas – you know, only peasants like us hold our own parasols.  With his hands free, Mr. Treehorn can answer texts, phone calls and sift through headshots – like mine.  Now, my interview is in an hour, I need to go prep myself.”

Opus uses the small cheap bathroom mirror to gussy up and practice Charisma.  It can’t hurt to have at least one skill point before he goes off to try to make a good impression.

Opus:  “Gertie got her job!  She isn’t too happy she didn’t get the chef position.  In fact, they laughed at her and handed her a mop.  I  told her to keep her chin up!  Everyone has to start somewhere.  Besides, they don’t realize she is a Natural Cook.  She may not have any Cooking skill points, but she’s been cooking for me back in Twinbrook since we were in high school.  She’ll knock ’em dead. Once they let her cook.”

Cabbie:  *What the heck is the deal with this dude?  I’m retired but my son called me earlier and told me he’d been traumatized by some crazy-looking broad earlier. What’s the world coming to?*  “Where to, sir?” *Rolls wish to bleach eyeballs*

Opus:  “Film Studio, please Mr. Cabdriver.  You may not know it, but you are transporting the future Superstar Actor of Starlight Shores.   Oh, and never mind the green floaty diamonds.  Those are just cameras.  We’re being filmed for a new reality show – The Hurkyferd Prettacy.  I know Gertie and I are lookers, Gertrude that’s my wife, but to have our own show announce it to the world?  Life is good, life is good.”

Aw, I like Opus.  He may be wonky looking but he seems to have a lot of heart. I like Gertie, too. It’s just that Diva trait that makes her hard to handle sometimes.

A few minutes later (because that’s all it takes as a Sim to get a Job.  You want to work here?  Great!  Just show up, enter the building and the job is yours!)
Opus emerges with thoughts of Simmy Awards dancing in his head.

Opus:  “I did it! They hired me!  I have to start as a Background Extra, but I get to be in productions right away! The told me I have a very interesting look.  I knew I would make it!  The pay isn’t much and I will have to run errands like fetching lunch and rolling the lint off the director’s clothes on a daily basis, but it doesn’t matter.  Plumbob Pictures will never be the same!  And, to put the cheery on top of this grand day that is like a giant ice cream sundae, they don’t mind me being in the Reality Show. “

Really?  you don’t say.

Opus:  “Yep, as long as I don’t bring the cameras to work inside the studio, it’s all good.  Golly, I can’t wait to call our friends and families back in Twinbrook.  Heck, I’m going to update my Simbook status as soon as I get home!”

Back at home, Gertrude has some visitors. Seems the local Welcome Wagon has shown up at their modest abode to greet the new couple to Starlight Shores.   SS Townies Edward Gooder, Javed Meir and Kirsten Law (yeah, I Master Controller’d her hair in the Stylist option.  *grins*  It’s going to be happening a lot as we go.  There are some EA hairstyles I just cannot tolerate and anyone who knows me knows I have a HUGE hair addiction. I cannot help it.  If I see a hair I like I MUST HAVE IT IN MY GAME!!)

Okay, sorry for the hair tangent.  As I was saying, Welcome Wagon showed up and Gertie was excited to have the chance to show off her new home and chat about her new job.  And show off her natural Fabulousness, of course!  Gotta love a Diva.

Lord help poor Edward Gooder, for he must be blind.  He Immediately starts flirting with Gertie while Kirsten and Javed chat by the door.

Edward:  “Hey baby, you look good in the unicorn tank top. I like the way I can see the outline of your muffin top through the thin, cheap fabric.”

Gertie: “What?  I’m flattered.  I know I am a magnetic beauty but, Mr. Gooder?  You know I am married.  I already told you.  Opus will be home now any minute.  Now excuse me while I go make some dinner for us all with those nice vegetables you brought me from the Farmer’s Market.”

Edward:  “Marriage, that’s just a piece of paper.  You’ll find plenty of people in this town who don’t really pay too much mind to marriage.  Now tell be Gertie, what’s your sign?”

Maybe I just should have started this Prettacy with Gertrude?  Damn, isn’t this Starlight Shores where the pretty and shallow come to play?  Poor Edward must be a Sims version of this guy:

A few seconds later, THIS happens:

Edward:  “Ta-Da!  Oh Gertie, you’re more beautiful than these fragrant blooms.  Please accept these as a token of my affection.”

Gertie:  “What the what?  First of all, where in the holy frog bottoms did you get those flowers from?  No – never mind, I don’t think I want to know.  But now you’ve gone too far.”

Person Person Minus!

Gertie shoos everyone over to their little couch to watch TV while she whips up a quick meal of Autumn Salad.  She overhears Kirsten cackling and pestering Edward about the flowers.  She doesn’t seem like a very nice person.

Gertie: *Hrmph,  Who does she think she is.  This is my house. If anyone is going to make fun of Edward, why that would be me.*

Food is served and Kirsten continues on her ranting.  This time about Gertie’s cooking.

Kirsten:  “Hm.  This salad takes like fish.  What kind is in here?”

Gertie: “What?  There’s no fish in here.  Its Autumn Salad. Don’t you Starlight Shores people know what’s in Autumn Salad?

Kirsten: *picks through food*  “Oh, yes I see now.  It must be these cheap bowls and flatware. Either that or that crappy set of appliances you have over there need a good cleaning.  Of course, I have a maid for that kind of thing.  But living in a shack – I mean a cottage like this, you wouldn’t need one of those.”

Gertie:  *gives Kirsten stink eye*  “Well, I don’t know about that.  We paid a pretty penny for this little house. And you’re really annoying me.”

Door opens and in steps Opus.

Gertie:  “And my husband won’t have that kind of talk about his woman.  Now excuse me while I go clean up. A real woman can take care of her family all by herself.  *rolls wish for butler*

Hahaaa haa Gertie.  Not going to happen.  You and Opus have like 200 Simoleons to your name and aren’t going to be making a lot of money.  Not for a long time, so let’s tuck that Butler wish deep in our pocket and save it for a rainy day.  A rainy day about 20 years from now, if ever.

While Opus meets their guests, Kirsten skulks around the house scaring the begeezus out of everyone.  Including the living room wall.

Kirsten:  “BlarghblarghBOO!”

No, not really.  She just decided to scare the living daylights out of the person in the house most annoyed with her at the moment.

Gertie: “OMG!  She nearly scared the tattoo right off of my chest.  Good gravy Kirsten, why can’t you settle down?”

Kirsten:  “Haahaa.  You losers think I am really here by my own choosing?  I only signed up for the Welcome Wagon for the freebies we get.  You know, the basket we brought you?  Well, I like to keep some of that for myself.  In fact, I always skim off the best stuff.  Enjoy your bruised bananas and wilted lettuce.”

Yikes!  She doesn’t even need to sneak up on anyone.  Look at that face.  Man, my Prettacy is in deep trouble if that woman is any sign of the genetics I can expect to see in Starlight Shores.

Gertie: “Ooh, I don’t like that woman.  If I had a rock right now she’s be in serious trouble.” *goes into stealth mode*

Gertie:  “BOOGAGOOGABOO!”

Kirsten: “Oh my good Plumbob!:”

Gertie: “Ah, the sweet taste of revenge.”

Opus: “Yeah, that’s my wife!”

After saying goodbye to their visitors, Gertie and Opus clean up the house and share their excitement for their new jobs, both starting the next day.

They snuggle on the bed and relax in the glow of their love.  Hey now you two – no babies yet!  Gertie needs to work a week or two so you can make some money.  You are pretty much broke, so we need two incomes.

Opus:  Yeah, well you can’t stop our love, even with that scary floating diamond-thingy.

And that wraps up our first post – I mean episode!  Not too bad a start for our young couple.  They both have jobs, they met some people (albeit two out of three of them were looney toons) and have settled into their new home.   Tune in next time to see what happens.  Will Opus get his job?  Will Gertie realize she really *isn’t* the chef?  Will there be babies despite their desperate need for money?

See you soon and thanks for reading!

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10 thoughts on “Chapter 0.1 – Doohickey’s and Plumbobs

  1. I love this! Imma be readin this! Saw it in your post on the chat thread in GD on the sims 3 site!

  2. You are amazing. I LOVE this. So funny! Especially the dynamic between the narrator and the characters. I am so entertained. I will have to read more later. 😀

  3. I have seriously enjoyed reading this! 🙂 You have to have more chapters!

  4. “That almost scared the tattoo right off my chest!”
    Best sim quote ever! LOL

  5. OH my gosh! This was too funny! I really liked the beginning and I will continue reading on. Also I just started a Sims legacy and was wondering if you could please check it out? Thanks

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